The day I became a squirrel
Starting the Journey
Today, I started a CPD course to further develop and deepen my coaching skills - the ‘AoEC Advanced Coaching Skills Gestalt Embodiment Foundation Programme’.
During our introductions, we were asked to choose an object from our desks that could serve as a metaphor for what we do. Randomly, I had one of my son’s 3D cardboard models of a squirrel to hand and chose that. I spoke about how, as a coach, I have many layers. And that I like to help people access their layers and move to a place of depth and connection. I was pretty happy with the metaphor.
I was then asked to ‘be’ the squirrel. Now this was a stretch for me. I like to think of myself as emotionally connected, but it turns out I feel much more comfortable in the cognitive thinking space rather than the feeling space. So I became the squirrel – it was deeply uncomfortable and also really revealing. As the squirrel (hold that thought lightly!) I noticed how many layers of myself I share out and that I am the glue between the layers – holding lots of people together. I also noticed that when I glue my layers together to become whole, I am much more grounded and effective as a coach. The emergence of these thoughts comes from what is referred to as the ‘fertile void’.
Fragmentation and Wholeness
Despite finding it slightly mortifying, I have since reflected on many of the women I work with and whether this metaphor might be true for them too. Coming back to work often requires the ability to separate ourselves into layers – we become the professional working woman, the mum, the partner, the organiser, the homemaker, and so many more things. And when we separate like this, we become fragmented, and, crucially, this is at a time when we need to maintain a sense of wholeness and grounding to navigate the huge change we are experiencing as we return to work.
So, how can organisations notice this and support their women who are returning to work? First and foremost – don’t ask them to fragment. Allow them to bring their whole selves to work. Our lives are messy, but trust that these women are capable, brilliant and able to focus on and deliver great things if you allow them to be whole and grounded. As soon as you expect them to separate their life into layers they start to doubt themselves, become unfocused, experience feelings of guilt and failure, and often, imposter syndrome creeps in.
Trust the Science
Organisations need to stop sabotaging women as they return to work and recognise that if they invest the time and effort in getting it right, it will pay dividends. The neuroscience tells us that these women become more focused and effective after they have had a baby – trust the science and give them space to breathe and become whole in their new world and identity.
If you’d like to know more about how I work with organisations supporting their women coming back to work, please do get in touch.
Ok - now I need to go away and ponder what animal/mineral/plant I might need to become tomorrow! And if it sounds a bit off the wall – it’s not. It’s all in service of helping clients to experience in the moment and to breathe into their experience, because from this place great things can emerge.
